Guilt and Forgiveness
by ShuichiShindou07
Summary: After being seperated for so many years, two friends and lovers reunite. Set after PoA. Rating for future chapters, language, etc.
1. Chapter 1

Long, thin limbs wrapped themselves around their owner as he curled up in an arm chair. Remus Lupin had returned to his secluded cottage in the countryside a few weeks before, the events from the end of the school year weighing heavily upon his heart.

"_Sirius….."_

An explosion of old emotions mixed with new ones every time he thought of his old friend. Seeing the dark shell of the man he loved for the first time in almost 13 years was almost too much for his heart to handle. Then learning that he had been wrong for all these years…it was Peter, not Sirius, but Peter who had handed James and Lily over to the Dark Lord. Peter, their friend. Peter, the last one anyone expected to turn traitor. Peter…the one who had framed Sirius.

His new feelings of anger towards Peter were nothing compared to the guilt he felt for thinking the worst of Sirius. Remus tightened his grip around himself and let the darkness of his living room surround him. He buried his head in his arms, trying to fight off the pain and tears. He wanted to see his old friend, wanted to know he was okay. He doubted Sirius would ever come again.

"_Why would he?"_ the werewolf thought. _"I of all people should have trusted him. Instead I believed he had done it. For so many years I hated him and hated that some part of me still loved him. There is no reason for him to want to be near me when I turned my back on him all those years ago."_

A scratch at his door brought Lupin out of his thoughts. He waited, hoping he wasn't hearing things. Some part of him wouldn't let him get his hopes up. Another scratch, and another, and another soon followed. Remus quickly untangled himself and ran towards the door, taking down his charms as he went. He threw open the door to reveal a very familiar large, black dog looking up at him. Those dark eyes clearly saying to him: "We need to talk."


	2. Chapter 2

Hey everyone! The idea for this fic randomly popped into my head. I wondered how these two would act after their reunion in PoA with a puppy love twist. This will probably be a short fic but hopefully you guys will enjoy it. I apologize for any OOCness. I figured their meeting would be a little awkward and very emotional.

Disclaimer: I don't the puppies or anything else mentioned. They are all Ms. Rowling

Lupin moved out of the way to allow his animagus friend in from the dark night. He secured their privacy and turned to see Sirius in his human form. The once handsome and confident young man now stood before him looking dirty, insecure, and much older than his years. No words passed between them, their eyes saying enough. Remus reached out and cupped Sirius' boney cheek, gently stroking it with his thumb. The dark haired man leaned into the comforting touch.

"Moony," he whispered.

"Let's get you cleaned up and out of those rags," the taller man interrupted. "We can talk later."

After seeing that Sirius had everything he needed for a proper bath, Remus went to make his friend something to eat. When Sirius emerged from the bathroom, much cleaner and in a fresh pair of pajamas, he found his former partner and a large plate of food waiting for him. He sat on the couch not far from the arm chair, but far enough to not cause any more awkwardness. The crackling of the revived fire was the only sound as the animagus ate in silence.

Lupin looked the other man over. The bath had washed the years of grime off his thin frame and returned a soft glow to his skin. Even though the stress of Azkaban had taken its toll on Sirius's body and soul, the werewolf could still see part of the Sirius that had been his thirteen years ago. He felt his heart give a small flutter but quickly subdued it. He couldn't get his hopes up. Not just yet. Sirius was right. They needed to talk.

"Have you heard anything from Harry?" Remus asked.

The other man shook his head. "No I haven't. Figured it was too risky right now. Have you?"

"Not since I left school. He and his friends are doing fine. I think he's excited that he now has family who will love him."

Silence returned between the two. Sirius finished his meal before he finally had a good look at his former lover. The werewolf was still tall and thin like he had been when they were younger. He could see strands of grey hair weaved through his sandy locks that he kept long. Sirius almost smiled. He had always loved Remus' hair when it was long.

"How have you been Moony?"

Surprised eyes looked up at the wanted man. Remus suddenly felt self-conscious at the sincerity in the other's voice.

"I've been alright I guess. I had to leave before the end of term because someone let slip that I was a werewolf. I didn't want to further upset any of the parents or cause Dumbledore any more problems."

Sirius had a good idea just who had let the other's "furry little problem" slip, but kept his mouth shut. Instead he locked eyes with his friend to try and learn what Remus wasn't saying.

"How have you been Padfoot?"

"Fantastic now that I've had a real meal. Forgot how good your cooking was," Black said, chuckling to lift the mood. "Beats living off whatever I managed to catch for the past year."

He knew the man was trying to make everything fine, but it only irritated him. "Don't lie to me Sirius."

"Well what do you want me to say? I've been running along the countryside and living in caves for the past year trying to find that bastard! Nothing exciting to write home about."

"Why did you go after him on your own?" the sandy haired man whispered. "Why didn't you ask me to go with you? I could have helped."

Sad eyes looked down into his lap. "Things were so chaotic and you know me, not one to think ahead. James and Lily had just been killed and all I could think about was killing that little traitor."

"And look what that got you!" Remus shouted, his emotions getting the best of him. "You were put in Azkaban! All because you didn't think to have back up! You just ran off on your own! Ran off and left me!"

There it was. The words that had been haunting Remus since he had learned of his friend's innocence and they fell out of his mouth like word vomit. He stood from his chair and paced the small living room. "Do you have any idea how much it hurt to think that you had sold out James and Lily? I didn't believe what other members of the Order were saying, then you disappeared and word spread that Peter had died while trying to track you down. It was like I had no choice but to believe them."

"Remus, I never thought any of these would happen. All I wanted was to make that rat pay for what he did to our friends!"

"I hated you so much all these years," the werewolf sobbed. "I hated the very thought of you and yet part of me still loved you. I'm sorry Padfoot. I'm sorry I didn't believe in you."

Sirius got off the couch and went to his broken friend who collapsed onto the ground. He wrapped his arms around the crying man, his thin frame shaking in the other's hold.

Tears fell down the animagus' pale, shallow cheeks. "You have nothing to be sorry about. A day hasn't passed that I haven't wished I had done things differently. I hated knowing that my best mate and his wife weren't coming back, that I was the only one who knew the truth about Peter, and most of all...I hated that I couldn't be with you. "

Both men held each other tightly as years of pent up emotions and unshed tears finally breaking free.

Ok so this chapter ended up being nothing like I had originally written. Things just went straight from brain to finger tips. Remus was supposed to be furious but I thought he sounded overly selfish so I had to change it. I know it's still not all that long and was mainly conversation, but I felt it was a conversation they needed to have.


End file.
